I must admit, I was your daughter. The reality is no one had ever taught me how to study and prepare. Sometimes I think we just assume kids get it. My mother ended up sending me to a tutor two nights a week. It was also helpful that the tutor was in college and prepared me for what life and school was like and the fact it wasn't mom, made me listen that much more: I also think that no more helping with projects that are put off until last minute would be a good rule of thumb to implement.
Maybe just like we do with chores and younger kids. My kids had 3 projects this year. After the first one that they totally did not tell me about 2 of them are in the same class so had the same deadline and both did not tell me since they needed help, etc and we had a rush the very last week of the project I decided action was needed.
The beginning of each quarter I ask the teachers if there are any big projects to be completed and when they can be expected to be assigned and how long they had to complete. Then I know there is something and I worked with my kids to work on it a little at a time. I totally agree with you in that the kids need to be responsible for their work but they cannot be if they don't know how.
It is up to us to show them. The last project they had was worked on a little at a time, and the teacher kept telling them this and they all did very well with it. I am hoping that when they enter 6th grade next year, this sticks with them but I will be on top of it as well. One thing they had to do at the school is keep an assignment notebook and I had to sign it each night--of course it only works if everything is written down. Gosh, this was me in gradeschool, HS, college.
Boy do I wish someone taught me time management skills and the importance of keeping a calendar etc. It is probably just my personality. I got As and Bs, but imagine what I could have accomplished had I started a project earlier or on time. I never did my homework, etc. If you are going to help her with the project, why don't you just help her from the start. Ask her what her projects are that are coming up and ask her to make a list of things you both need to get.
Have her write things down and make lists. Don't do it for her. Sit with her and watch her write it down. She will feel accomplished and that it is her accomplishment.
Once she starts feeling good about getting things done early then it will set something in motion. Also, don't rush in to help her when it is too late. Ask her about her homework and her projects and tell her You are not going to your friends house until you have 3 things off your checklist done.
What is on your checklist or to do list etc. She nees practice making lists and keeping them. A whiteboard at home is good where she can transfer her homework list to it.
It just takes little things. At this age they are learning time management skills, so anything you can do will help! When she gets an assignment it is really up to you to make her do it and get it over with. Talk to her teachers and tell them that you need to be let known so here is your email addy or phone for big assignments I'll do it later is an excuse I'm not saying to do it with her, or for her But make sure she sits down and starts it The work is up to her My daughter is only 9 but already trys with the "Its not due till friday" excuses SO what do I say?
Get it done now while we are thinking about it and then we won't have to worry about it later Ask the school about their detention policy WHY would they insist a parent bring a kid in an hour early? Why not give the option of an hour after school or on a weekend? You could try not doing "we" projects anymore. Let her know what the concequnce is to not getting it done because she put it off, and let her learn it each and every time.
Don't go to the store to buy poster board at 8PM, don't get on the computer and look up sources for her, don't type what she dictates to make it go quickly so she can get to bed! On the other hand, if this is not a habbit, but is a sign of something else, and if you try that, and she does not seem to learn from it, you might want to look in a different direction.
If you have ever wondered if she has attentional issues that keep her from following through, planning long term assignments, or you have ever suspected executive function issues that really do cause her to not be able to live up to her potential, and especially if you suspect that she has been able to pull herself up by her boot straps because she is very smart to "overcome" an issue, you might explore that question with a neuropsychologist, just to get some data about how she processes information to see if she is no longer able to overcome and could get accodations and learn strategies to do these things herself.
I still AM your daughter! LOL My son is only in first grade but we quickly learned that homework, if done immediately after school took less than 10 minutes.
If we waited til 7: But he gets mostly daily assignments that don't require better time management--yet. My nephew experienced similar issues as your daughter and my brother and SIL sent him to Sylvan and they really helped him learn "how" to study and he also learned better time management. I saw on an episode of supernanny that they set up a "homework station" for the child who was struggling with getting homework done.
It was an area where the child unpacked her backpack, she has a cork board for her to tack up her project reminders and a calendar for her to write down when projects are due. I know I have to write down everything on a calendar in my house when I need to do things, so maybe that would work for her! My family was very interesting growing-up. School was the top priority over everything else.
Grades slipped, things were taken away like after school activities. My parents have adapted to my sister not impressing the importance of school on her kids and making other activities the more important priority.
None are good students, and they make excuses for the kid's poor grades. My sister is constantly helping her kids 16, 13, 11 instead of letting them fail because they didn't put forth an effort. There's a big difference between failing because of procrastination and failing because of not understanding the material or not doing it well.
I didn't learn how to study until college because I didn't have to. I was fortunate enough to be a really good student, but college kicked my rear really hard I guess my advice is to stop enabling her and let her face her own failures and consequences. She will be much more mature and much more prepared for the real world that way. We have a major calculus project due June first. Do you think she started yet?
But this time I have a plan. I came up with an idea for her. And I have all the necessary equipment, video camera, dvd's, white board, etc. So she has to do her part and I have been super "excited" about the finished project. Last night she finished an English project and was on my band wagon.
So she at least has an idea and is thinkig about it. I think kids get overwhelmed with the ambiguity and the sheer magnitude of these projects. Some of them are so open ended.
I find if I narrow my daughters' choices to two or three of my thoughts then she can start thinking more clearly about them. Read the assigment, get her thoghts on it, give her your ideas of HOW to do a couple and let her choose.
Go get the supplies. Make it a family project. Our calculus one will deal with teaching Calc to her 9 and 12 year old siblings. It might be my idea but the assignment was to do "more than a power point". My daughter is in 9th grade and when she was in 5th grade and had larger projects to complete, the teachers had a time line set up where certain portions of the assignment were due, EX: This way helped the students plan the projects so they were not late. That schedule helped my daughter a LOT because she is the type to procrastinate.
She is an honors student and due to honors courses, there are a lot more projects to do in high school. Of course, in high school the teachers to not implement this plan for the students becauase it is up to the student to do the work. My daughter got a great benefit of the timeline planning she learned in elementary school.
I agree with your "what happened" that it is your job to help motivate her not to have the "we" projects. I have been in the situation of a "we" project. Off tiopic here but geared toward motivation She has been going through drivers ed and it is Awful for a 15 yr old being the one telling you what you are doing wrong while driving.
SO, we implemented a plan because we want her to be observant and it's not going to hurt us to develop better driving habits. That child is going to empty my bank account but she will end up being a good driver. Hi- You have some good ideas here. There probably isn't a Mom out there who cannot relate to your post. You are right these are her assignments and she should do the work herself.
The volume of work is overwhelming and I cannot imagine handling it myself when I was 11, it's all a bit too much. I don't know any parents of 6th graders in our town who don't stay on thier kids pretty closely.
I know when a major project is assigned. She is supposed to tell me immediately but if not I get an update from the teacher or see it on Power School. I help by "brainstorming" with her to help her develop a good idea that she's excited about. We buy supplies together and then she's on her own for the majority of the project. I remind her about it day to day and obviously am aware if she's working on it. A few days before it's due I check it out and give her my critique. I might help her glue stuff on the posterboard or give suggestions on a powerpoint.
Big writing assignements I read and offer suggestions that she can take or leave. Then she has a day or two to finish up, practice for a presentation or put on the finishing touches. I've found that at 11 she just isn't developmentally ready to start a project early and consistently work to completion without some structure.
I find that so many other parents are actually doing a large part of the work that by helping her to stay on task and moving forward is very important but I do not cross the line into actually doing the work. I think that really robs kids of the sense of pride when it's all over. They know it wasn't their work and of course they are not going to get excited about something their parents did.
It's a bad cycle because the only thing kids really get immediately from school work is a sense of accomplishment. They don't see past the weekend let alone the value of and education. Good grades are only fufilling if you acheived them yourself. Anyone still doing their kids school work by 5th grade needs to seriously consider where this is heading.
You can't follow them to college! I tell my son "The way to fun is to get the work done" and now I'm hearing other parents tell their kids the same thing. If you get it done early, then you have time to fix problems if they come up, and you can relax knowing that you've finished your work. Change the reward structure of your enviroment.
Here are some other implications. Time is the enemy of anybody with this disorder. The more you give them a task that involves organizing over time, the more you disable them. There are events, there are responses to the events, and there are the outcomes that occur as a result of those responses. ERO , and here is what my theory says. The minute you put a time lag between the E and the R and the R and the O, you disable them. And that time lag can be as much as or short as 10 seconds, 12 seconds.
But what do we do? We put hours and days between those. EROs, you need to make the outcome happen right next to the start of the event so thus you react to the event now instead of procrastinating. If you had to turn in homework every night, it was graded in 5 minutes, and then you are given feedback from the teacher you will be more engaged and far more effective.
Sure another part of the brain knows something will happen, but this part of your brain is not talking to the motivational part of your brain.
Thus by moving the EROs close together we can use more of the brain loop that is connected to respond to stimuli. The other big thing is an external event, like a person, or a reminder that flashes every 15 minutes or an hour to make sure you stay on track. This reminder needs to remind you of the goal. A beeping clock is an annoyance, a clock that plays the message, remember to get peanut butter at the grocery store is useful.
The reminder works best if it tells you to look at your paper notes, or calendar, and then what you written down reminds you. Often with these reminders you need to imagine and visualize the future vividly. Remind yourself not to waste money doing X for you want that red car. Imagine that red car, imagine it vividly. When you do so you once again activate the sensory part of your brain and this part then triggers the motivation.
A coach, mentor, significant other who checks on you every hour and just reminds you of your goal, and never nags you about the goal is an awesome tool. Even better if this coach or mentor can help motivate you by reminding you of the future using descriptive visual imagery, or they can help talk you through the hump, figure out what you need to do to achieve X, because you are stucked with a logistical road block.
Yes your failure rate is higher, the more complicated something is the more likely you are to make a mistake or an error of judgement due to things like lack of motivation, or bad working memory, or the inability to ignore distractions and extraneous stuff.
ADHD people are also often more tenacious if they have hope and the project is due in the short term. They won't give up if they really want it aka hyperfocusing but if they think it is useless, or if the rewards are far away they can not motivate themselves.
They have glasses that make everything in the near future look very big, but the stuff too far away you can not see, it is just fuzzy. Trying harder will not fix this, there is a limit on how much squinting can fix your eyes or fix ADHD.
That's exactly how I feel about it!!! But everyone is like no you are doing well so you don't have a high failure rate. And I'm like trust me Recently I've come to like a conclusion that school as in the content is a lot easier for me than for other people and it takes me waaaayy less to understand it.
But it takes me sooooo much more energy to put in the effort to actually do something. Or maybe to do the work. It takes me more effort to do the work than to understand the difficult material. So like if I go through all the lectures once I'm golden because I don't have to take time to understand them because they just make sense but it takes me soooo much more effort to actually click that next arrow and to look at the screen.
Yea, especially when you fail to start doing homework for like 10hours straight and then you just start thinking about why you haven't started and how useless you are: Rather than "well we're for sure going to screw up," why not focus on the actual coping mechanisms and strategies for success? I mean the bulk of this post I'm responding to is actually discussing strategies. So why the bolded "we just suck" text at the top?
I don't get it. The poster was saying "nothing seems to work, I don't change. Most of the response does focus on coping strategies, you'll notice, but it's also important to manage expectations. We can cut down on the 4 a. All-nighters stem from forgoing planning and repeatedly forgoing opportunities to work. Now, accidentally locking your keys in your car?
Missing a meeting because you read your calendar wrong? Forgetting to make a note of something you swore you'd remember? Yes, those things most likely will recur. Yes they are choices, but the problem is his brain does not understand the choices. Some ADHD people have this worse than other people. The problem is the bridge is cut between the two, so what he is thinking in his frontal lobe does not telegraph to his emotional area, say you need to get excited about something that is not in your immediate future.
He wants to get motivated, he wants to stay motivated, but he can't. If this is the case there are many things you can do to fix this. It may be meds, but it may also be enviromental changes to always keep you on track, and make sure you remember why you are doing this to re-motivate. Some people have a fuel tank that lasts miles per fuel tank.
The ADHD person with that problem has a 30 mile fuel tank. Thus as long as he has gas stations every 20 miles he can do it. If he does not have those gas stations to refuel his long term motivation, he is going to only get preoccupied by shorter things. They teach you to get into the mindset to constantly re-evaluate your actions, and then follow a playbook for success.
One of the biggest rules for these ADHD CBT programs is breaking big problems into small problems, and bringing the EROs together where you get instant results with these small problems.
Lots of tiny steps that do not tire the brain out as much, with some external motivation reminding you of the goal. I'm not sure that's accurate. ADHD is not just one thing, it is multiple things working together as an unholy mess that makes life harder. ADHD has different degrees of severity, often family members will show some ADHD traits but not others and because they do not have enough they may find little a little harder but not impaired.
But what I am referring to with motivation is time horizon. Things past X days the ADHD person may be able to temporarily motivate himself, but in the end other nearer in time events will cause him to discount the future event, and often he will get off track, distracted, discouraged, or in extreme cases just never initiate anything for he knows he can not sustain it the sloth form of ADHD, I do not care for I do not want to be disappointed.
They can internally motivate themselves for longer periods of time, with longer delayed gratification. The problem is suffering the consequences of our "choices" doesn't tend to affect our future ones the way it would for others. You're not a magically better chooser who gets to brag about it in our faces, you're just less damaged in this particular way.
You will not feel like it. That's the actual problem we have, not that we DON'T do things, that we don't feel like doing them. And you're saying, well that choice is hard. But this sub acts like it's an inevitability which it's not. ADHD redditors who buy into that are not doing themselves any favors.
That is what really sets you up for failure, not this disability. I am not here to brag, I am here to help. I have lots and lots of excellent coping mechanisms that have propelled me through life But it's impossible to help someone who believes they are doomed. We pretty much all have excellent coping mechanisms, we just frequently neglect to use them: If we always used coping mechanisms successfully we wouldn't have ADHD, in fact - go look the symptoms up.
If you don't have a messy work area, frequently fail to get materials together on time etc. It's a "spectrum" thing i. That assumption is what's "convenient. The missing piece with us is not the knowledge that we should do things even if we don't feel like it. Literally every one of us has that knowledge. You say " don't ever assume " in a comment where you're wholeheartedly assuming I must not "have things as bad" as others. You're basically trying to explain to me why I either don't have it or don't understand it.
I'm a University Professor, so I know plenty about ADHD students attempting their homework, and I've been through 10 years of college education myself. What looks like you informing someone of new facts you just need to choose to do what you don't feel like! Which is why you tout your experience "managing" them. If this were a knowledge issue that would not be the verb you'd use.
Professors sure know how to communicate. I'm not assuming you don't meet ADHD diagnostic criteria, you've said as much. You're one of a group of people presently being argued about by specialists: And if the latter, can even these advantages work for anyone but the marginal cases?
I'm on the fence on this, but you're strong evidence for the latter view. Your absurd stress on "choosing" and on such obvious forms of "if only they knew" that all of them DO know suggest you fail to understand something about your co-sufferers, or technically ex-co-sufferers. One common reason people fail to understand others' minds despite close exposure to them is ego-inspired false analogy: We get marginal cases preaching the choice gospel at us a couple times a month here.
You all are convinced of what you say because you experienced it personally. For you that's great, and I'm happy for you. What's less great is that in the land of the blind the proselytizing one-eyed man comes across as a total asshole. Another irony of your vaunting of your credentials is that, statistically, very few ADHD sufferers, and especially ones with significant hyperactive symptoms, attain university professorships.
Fewer finish high school, of that subset fewer complete college - and so on all the way up. And that's true even after medication is factored in, since academic advancement depends to a great extent on one's long-term record, and the rates of late diagnosis and of multi-year drug holidays especially for teens are quite high.
A near-certain corollary of this is that those who do attain high levels of academic success ADHD sufferers can learn a lot from each other. My mother has severe symptoms type-C , but she's had her own successful business for over a decade and has a masters degree. I'm sharing this because being raised by her and with a type-C brother was crucial to my development.
Sharing my credentials was meant to validate the practical experience I have.
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Sep 02, · Edit Article How to Do Your Homework on Time if You're a Procrastinator. Four Methods: Getting Organized Establishing a Routine Setting Goals Asking for Help Community Q&A Procrastinating on your homework assignments can make school more stressful and can hurt your grade if you're always finishing homework at the last minute%(46). I always do my homework at the last minute. My kids are just as likely to pick up a handwriting book on Sunday as they are to get out blocks or toys, i pushed my workouts back to from 7 to 6am and somehow I am not as productive. When doing our kitchen, i will not get into the nitty details of my situation, and More Secure Kids.
Jan 15, · I myself, do homework last minute. I dont know about u but my school starts at 7in the morining. Set an alarm, and if possible get someone to lock up your phone, or keep an eye on secretsofengraving.tk: Resolved. I Always Do My Homework At The Last Minute i always do my homework at the last minute Mar 28, cover letter for employment I Do My Homework At The Last Minute jason if youre always finishing homework at the last minute.i do my.